Classify under: Experiments.
To be honest, the above quote could really describe my general attitude of late. I briefly mentioned the ennui that's been persisting of late, and it's still here.
But....
What I've done is turn the ennui on its' lil head. I feel like most of us feel stagnation or inertia, and panic. Because everything in the American ethos is ACTION!
Stifled by George III - revolt!
Wallowing in the slums of the east - go west, young man, go west!
Don't have "enough" - work harder! work more! work faster!
Have a week off - do stuff! go places! get things done! relaxing is for sissies!
I get it. I am guilty of that myself.
But there's a gift here. In this inertia. In this ennui.
There's a silent message of I am enough. A quiet voice that says, hey kid, be still. Breathe. Just be.
<sigh>
In the quiet, you hear your voice. It's a little scary. But the more you listen, the more clarity you find. The voice asks, "What do you want? Where do you want to go? Let's PLAY!".
That's where I've been living for a while. I oscillate (wildly) between my action brain and my zen brain, between my I'm-not-doing and my I'm-just-listening states of being. Yet I am listening. I am breathing.
Am I where I thought I'd be? No.
Do I know where I'm going? No.
Is that a bad thing? No.
What I know is who will be traveling with me, and a large group of folks who have my back, and at the end of the day, that's all that matters.
Breathe.
Listen.
Be still.
Just be.
Song of the week: "Back In The World" by David Gray (off of his album, Mutineers)
With all sincerity I say congratulations for reaching this point; "just being" is one of the hardest and smartest things we can do. Before your visit in February, I was tying myself in knots trying to force action in my life. I reached some very scary places before realizing that I couldn't do it on my own. For me, it mean a lot of prayer and turning this over to someone bigger than myself. I also focused on the aspects of my life that I already enjoyed and could improve upon. By refocusing that energy, I think I was more able to see opportunities and take advantage of those that were presented to me.
ReplyDeleteLook at this time not as one of inaction, but as a chance to renew and refresh just like a field that becomes more fertile after a fallow season. There is so much happening under the surface. My thoughts are with you. I am praying for wonderful things ahead.
Perfectly said and that's what I've tried to focus on too: all that I have, (which is truly immense) and what I can improve. The road is looking promising, and it's one of my very own, not someone else's. It pleases me beyond measure for your words and thoughts, my friend. Please know, it is echoed back two-fold!! You are a treasure!
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